Ahh, winter.  I am one of those people whose mood goes kaput when the sun circles low in the winter sky.  Little threads of doubt creep into my head.  They usually revolve around the same theme: “your work/writing is total rubbish—why are you even attempting this?”  I try very hard to keep these thoughts away, and am forever coming up with new solutions.  Exercise!  No matter what, fresh air makes you feel better.  Embrace the coziness!  Light candles all around your house and stay warm, then you won’t feel depressed.  Wake up early with the light and go to bed with the dark, and you’ll feel energized! 

The thing is, that none of these things have ever really worked for me.  The fact is that when the sun goes away, my usual optimistic “I can handle it with a smile on my face” attitude sort of disappears. 

I remember once when talking to a friend about struggle, she told me that for years and years, she would bang her head against whatever obstacle was in her way, and no matter how heavy it was, she’d try to push it away.  Only it inevitably turned out to be way to heavy for her to do anything about it.  Then one day, doing something completely mundane, she realized that she could just walk around the boulder, rather than walk into it.

Walk around it.  Hmm.  What exactly does that mean?  I’ve thought about it for a while now, and I think what it means for me is surrendering.  That there are times in life—seasons in the year, where you aren’t always in control over how you feel.  And that this is OK.  Here’s the real thing: not only is it OK, it’s totally natural

What would happen if I gave in to these feelings of somberness and soberness?  What would happen if I let myself sleep in rather than waking up and going for a run?  What would happen if I allowed myself to be quiet and still.  What would happen if I acknowledged that I feel less “good” than other times when I’m energized and feel great and life is good?  After all, what’s the worst that could happen?  I’d be what I already am: a body in sleep mode, waiting for spring.

photos credits. top: Katie de Bruycker, middle: MariaJC, bottom: Lara Alegre.

1 comment:

Leigh said...

Compelling thoughts and beautiful images. I too am in sleep mode, I think!